Trance-dance 11: Seven waves

update: I found the song by Anon (=anonymous?). I included the video from youtube at the end of the post. Apparently it comes from the TV serie Xena. The CD it originates from is the “Xena Warrior Princess Official Sound Track volume 5: Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on fire”

 

This lesson was all about looking at ourselves. Looking at our own emotions and learning about ourselves. Introspection. And just when I thought it could get any more intens than I had felt during some of the previous lessons, we get this. Djeezes, this lesson was some sort of a rollercoaster. The entire lesson going slowly upwards and during the visualisation one hell of a ride! “Hell Yeah!” as our teacher always says… And this time it wasn’t just me I think. Several other people encountered themselves as well.

The whole lesson was one amazement after the other. Each time something I felt, saw, thought or imagined it was something else than I would have expected.

 

Disco-swing: I still suck at this. I just can’t grasp the rhythm here. Sometimes I get it for a few seconds but after merely 10 or 20 seconds I loose it again. I tried. I tried and tried again. But it just wouldn’t work.

 

Body-tap: As always this is my favorite sort of warm-up. Body-tapping on the music of “We will Rock you” but the version by “Five”. I always feel powerfull here. So full of energy.

 

The wall: We finalised the theatrical dance on “the Wall” by “Pink Floyd”. The entire sequence is now:

Walk around in slow motion

Point a blaming finger

Build a wall with imaginary bricks

Come from behind the wall robot-like

Crash into another wall

Men controlling the women’s breath

Crash into wall

Women walk around rhumba-style

Women laying men’s hand on shoulder

Men and women walking samba-walk

Men casting women down

Men puppeteering women

Women awakening

Women turning around

Women attacking the men

Everybody starts fighting

Everyone crawls back behind their own wall

Everyone kicks/hits their own wall to pieces

Everyone jumps over their rubble

We go back into a circle

One by one we jump into the circle and do a dancing move

Everyone copies these moves

When everyone has done their own move, everyone dances individually

 

5 types of movement: On request the five types of movement from lesson 2 (see here  )were done again. But this time on other types of music than during that 2^nd lesson…

1. Flowing: The flowing, feminin moves are comforting to me. I felt as if I were a leave that dances on the wind, free but fragile…

2. Staccato: Since the music wasn’t as aggressive as during the 2^nd lesson, I didn’t feel alienated anymore to these movements. The masculin, cut-off moves made me feel powerful. But also limited. I felt as if I was a powerful Lion but a caged one, radiating power but being unable to use it.

3. Chaos: The mix of flowing and staccato, the mix of masculin and feminin is my world. During these movement I feel best. Here I felt as if I were a powerfull Eagle, drifting on the wind. Powerfull AND free. Somehow during this dance, some capoeira moves sneaked in and I felt as if I was in my own reign. In my own kingdom.HELL F’ING YEAH !!!!!!

4. Uplifting: This movement type lets us grow, exceeding ourselves. I felt like a leaf again but this time one that is lifted into high air by the wind.

5. Inner motion: Here we find the moves inside ourselves. And during this part, at first I felt as if I was becoming one with nature. After a short while the feeling evolved in mastering nature. I felt as if I really controlled the weather. And nature seemed to agree since with increasing moves by me, the wind increased. I love wind. When I pulled the sky and the clouds downwards it started to rain. It really doesn’t matter if I controlled nature or nature controlled me, we were one and it felt great!

 

Seven waves (of emotion)

1. Basic emotion: Here we danced on male, aggressive hardcore-house. Rage, agression, pure raw energy…

2. Emotion because of emotion: I danced with some of the other participants. Lustful, greedy, dancing to quench my own thirst.

3. Isolation of emotion: Here I started to dance with Lenore. She crashed on her emotions. The whole stress of moving house was too much for her. I couldn’t help but comforting her. But not out of Love for her. It was because I can’t stand seeing someone in pain. If one of the others would have crashed, I would have done the same for them.

4. Loving, caring, without judgement: After comforting Lenore for quite a while, at one point I felt I had to let go. I was being drained too much. I had to think of myself. Lenore didn’t drain me on purpose. She just needed it. But I couldn’t give more. And Sage came and took over. He comforted Lenore some more. Thanks Sage, you might have helped Lenore with her emotions, but you’ve helped me as well. Together with some of the other participants, I danced to please one another; to caress the other. Not dancing for ourselves but giving purely for the joy of making the other happy..

5. Inspirational emotions: I changed partners a couple of times. Each time I let the others inspire me on what movements to make. And in turn I tried to inspire them. And I realized that inspiring in real life, is a little easier than inspiring in a dance. Strange since I would have expected the opposite!

6. Self-reflection and understanding emotion: I turned inwards in this stage and danced with my eyes closed. I tried to understand everything I felt during the rest of the lesson and during the dances. Somehow it became clear to me that whoever I think I am, I just can’t stop but help other people. I like to be the rock they grab onto in the river, I like to be the tree they shelter beneath during the rain, I like to be the fire they warm themselves at when they’re cold… And I understood: this is me. I cannot change that. I cannot change my essence. But at the same time I also realized that although I might be the rock, the fire, the tree or whatever, I won’t force them at any moment in time to do what I want of think best. I have to keep on giving them freedom of choice. The rock won’t force them to hold on, the tree won’t force them to stand beneath him, the fire won’t force them to come and sit close… It is THEIR choice, but I’m willing to help if they need it…

7. Letting go of emotion (not being controlled): Now a slow tranquil music was played. We had to feel what was living inside ourselves and express it. Just going with the flow. Let the inner music guide us. For a moment (once again) capoeira took over but this time the slow Angola style in stead of the powerfull Regional or playfull Benguela styles. But this shifted towards some sort of Tai-Chi moves. It didn’t seem logical at any time, but I didn’t care. If I felt I had to do it that way, I did… I felt free. Serene. Tranquil. Balanced. Duality.

 

Visualisation

At this moment I thought the lesson was over. That we had completed our trip in all the aspects of emotions and their perception. Boy, was I wrong! The best part of the trip was about to come!

Every participant had to sit or lay down somewhere. While the teacher counted slowly from 20 to zero, we had to clear our thoughts. At zero, when we were in a subconcious trance, she started to tell a story that we had to visualize. I’ll write the teacher’s comments (summarized) in italic and my imagination in normal text:

You are walking around somewhere quiet and serene: OK, I’m walking on a beach. Hey wait, it changes into a forest. It is the forest I used to go and play in when I was little. I always had lots of fun here. It feels quiet. There’s no stress…

You enter a forrest and choose a small path oh, OK… Already here, teach. I recognize the path as the one that leads next to the local soccer-cafeteria into the rest of the forest (the soccerfield is situated in the forest)

You leave the path and start walking between the bushes and thorns. Hmm… o yes, this is the place where I used to build a camp when I was little… no-one could ever see it at that time. It was so well hidden

You make your own path: Alright, where am I now… I don’t know it here anymore. There’s lots of raspberry and blackberry bushes here. My legs are a bit scarred because of them but it doesn’t matter

The moon shines slightly through the leaves: OK…

At one point you see a clearing in the forest: Huh? What’s that?

It is a circle with grass surrounded by red berch trees: Hey cool, I didn’t know this was here? A huge pasture in the forest? Ah no… it’s rather small…

In the middle of the circle there’s a huge rock: That’s strange…

It radiates power. I could FEEL the energy there. I almost could see the sparks the stone radiated

You go and lay down on top of this rock: It felt warm as if heated by the sun

At one moment on your right side, you see a door at the edge of the clearing: At first I saw an old fence-gate

It is a heavy oak door: OK it changed into a heavy door now… It’s almost as if it was built to protect something…

You walk towards it: It wasn’t that far since the clearing was only a few meters in diameter…

You open it: Behind it was blackness

You see a radiant world on the other side: Strange… it stays black.

As you set one foot inside Mid-world you start to feel even more relaxed, more amazed by the beauty of this Mid-world: Suddenly as I stepped inside the world flashed into view and it was beautifull. It was as if the colours were brighter than in our own world. As if you could see the energy that was stored inside every object.

That feeling grows when you put your second foot in Mid-world: OH WOW !!!!

You notice a small movement to your right side: Huh? What’s that?

When you look you see an animal: A cat is sitting at the side of the door. It watches me with a knowing smile (I know, cats can’t do that but mine did ok ). Just as a father watches his kid when it does something it is supposed to do… As a father you think: “go ahead son, you’re doing great!” The cat is mostly black but has some white places in its fur as well. It’s face has one big white field on its right side. At the same time it looked old/wise and young/playful.

It feelt vaguely familiar: vaguely? Nope, make that VERY familiar…

The animal walks in front of you on a path in Mid-world: The cat walked in front of me and stopped when the distance became to big between us and waited untill I cought up.

It takes you to a hill: The road became a gravel path…

On top of the hill, there’s a giant oak tree that looks over the valley: It was a dark brown tree with green/yellow leaves

The animal lays itself at the foot of the tree and rests: The cat curled up next to the tree and closed it eyes

You put your arms around the tree and feel its energy: The tree felt warm. Somehow radiated that warmth

You are swallowed by the energy of the tree: What the…?

It is a hurricane that twists you around and around: At first I was startled but than the twisting by the hurricane became familiar. It resembled the hurricane inside of myself. It wasn’t exactly the same but close…

It lifts you up towards the treetop: The image I got was like when you see documentaries on TV about the jungle in Africa. There you can almost climb and walk on the top of the trees.

When you surpass the top you stand in the clouds: The clouds looked like fluffy balls of cotton wool. But somehow they managed to carry my own weight.

They feel softer than you could have imagined: I waved my hand through the clouds and they flowed between my fingers. Gently caressing them…

High-world radiates with power, so white and pure it almost blinds you: I had the same feeling as you have when emerging from a dark room into a sunny summer-day…

From that blinding light a figure emerges: I couldn’t recognise him because there was too much light coming from behind him. But I sensed he was coming towards me.

As the figure approaches, you recognize him/her – It is a deceased and beloved person: At first I thought I would imagine it to be my friend that died a year ago (see here ). By coincidence, her birthday was the same day as this lesson. But to my amazement I noticed this person to be taller and slimmer than my friend. It turned out to be my granddad who died in 2002. He was just as I knew him… a slight smile on his face, his (old men’s) cap on his head. Also he was appearing wise just as I remembered him.

He takes your hand and shows you High-world: We walk around in the clouds and everything is peacefull and radiates the same intense energy… I was so amazed by the beauty of this High-world that litterally tears formed in my eyes!

You now have one minute to talk to him/her and ask questions (one minute silence): At first I didn’t know what to ask, but after a few seconds the questions started coming. Why am I suffering so much because of this situation with Lenore? What is its purpose? What is MY purpose here on earth? The answer I got was something I knew already but somehow never accepted. These three questions are all related. My purpose, my goal in life is helping others. Being there for others. Giving support and comfort when they need it. But doing so without leading them. Without living their life for them.

It is time to go: No! Not yet! I want to stay here!

The figure takes your hand again and gives you a present: He opens my hand and places his hand in mine. It apears as if he doesn’t have a gift…

Look at it, examine it: When he retreats his hand, a single small green rounded leaf lays in my hand. I don’t understand… Why a leaf? What kind of gift is this?

You feel yourself being pulled by the trees energy again: NO! I want to know about the leaf! Let me stay! But I can’t fight the pulling by the tree…

It pulls you down back to Mid-world: I feel like being pulled down. Not like I’m falling but carried downwards…

You awake besides the tree: Huh? I don’t remember getting out of the tree. But it appears as if I was sleeping just like the cat besides me.

The animal rises and accompanies you back towards the door: It is the same as when we came in. But this time the cat stops less and looks back at me less. It knows I’m following. It knows I know the way. The cat goes to the door and sits down on the same spot as when I first met it.

When you enter the door, you wake up on the rock in the clearing of the forest: Just before I enter the door the cat gives his knowing smile again and I can hear it thinking. I get one single word. And somehow I know that that single word is his name. Anon.

You still hold your present in your hand: I look at my hand and indeed the leaf is still laying inside it.

You slide down from the rock and walk back towards the forest: As I walk back to the forest I can’t help but think of a small poem I once read by S.T. Coleridge:

What if you slept ?
And what if,
In your sleep
You dreamed ?
And what if,
In your dream,
You went to heaven
And there plucked
A strange and
Beautiful flower ?

And what if,
When you awoke,
You had the flower in your hand ?
….Ah, what then

 

That was the end of the visualisation.

 

 

In the arms of an Angel

When the music to “in the arms of an angel” started I was weeping my tears away. But as said, it were tears because I was moved by the beauty of the visualisation. Not tears of grief and sorrow. And The woman with the piercing eyes cuddled up next to me so I lay my arm around her. But at the same time, Lenore came up to me and sat down on my lap. She needed my arms for comfort as well. Without doing anything two women came to me for my company. I don’t really know if the woman with piercing eyes came to me because she wanted to be with me or because she thought I was sad (tears remember)… I think because she likes me since during dancing she also comes to me regularly… After a while when Lenore caressed my arm, the other woman seemed to leave me. I guess because she thought I needed time with Lenore. She probably doesn’t even know we’re getting a divorce. So I signalled she could come back which she did… And the three of us hugged and cuddled for several minutes. I couldn’t help but thinking: “look at me. Sitting here and comforting two women at the same time. Who would have thought?”. But I felt good, just being there for them…

 

The guardian game

For this lesson a collage had to be made for the protégé. And some sort of candy for the Angel.

The collage I made well… look for yourselves. Every single picture in it has a meaning. Sometimes more than one:

  

The one I received was very beautifull… varied, intense, deep… The things I noticed that were reoccuring themes in the pictures were fire and universal love. There was a contrast as well: some of the pictures were tranquility and quietness. Others were of intense struggle and chaos.

For my angel I created a mental candy. I rolled up several inspirational quotes and sealed the inside a paper roll. That roll, I closed by twisting the ends so it resembled a candy.

From my protégé, I received a rose made out of several types of candy. Beautiful as well!!!

I received two other gifts as well. A poem (very touching!) and a usefull (but symbolic) item. I hope the people I got them from, will know how much I appreciated the gifts and them.

 

 

Afterthoughts

I started thinking about the cat and the leaf. What does the cat stand for? I would have expected that I would see a weasel or ferret. As that is the animal I can identify easiest with. Small, sneaky and hiding… Or an eagle or panther or so… because I want to be free, powerful… So why a cat? But then again: A cat is gracefull and sensual. But can be a fierce warrior when needed to be. It can quietly doze in the presence of others but needs time of its own as well… It can be gentle and nuzzle up to people it likes. But it can claw too… Maybe the cat symbolises the duality in myself again?

And the leaf? I have absolutely no idea what the leaf means… Anyone an idea?

Ah… by the way: I found a song by a band called Anon, my dream-cat’s name… And surprisingly the text is quite applicable. I never heard of the band so it must be coincidence. I haven’t heard the song yet but I definitely will try to find it somewhere…

 

Lyrics: LET YOUR SPIRIT MOVE ME – ANON

Introduction

I’m a candle in the wind
My future flickers before my eyes
I’m too restless to be satisfied with silence
So I’ll push further through the night

Say you want to push me down, that I’m wrong
Well I’ve heard those lies before
Because the fire inside, it just keeps burning
Just won’t stand it anymore

You came along, you pulled me up when I was down
The way you make me feel just took me by surprise
You took my hand, you held my heart, you beared my fire
When you moved with me you gave me back my life

Let the spirit move me
Let the spirit move me

Let your spirit move me
Let your spirit move me

Let the spirit move me
Let the spirit move me

 

Tags: angel, animal, anon, beauty, coleridge, dance, duality, feelings, guardian, guide, Lenore, meditation, poetry, spirit, totem, trance, trancedance, video, visualisation, xena