From Sunday till Tuesday Lenore seemed to be quite upset about something. It was almost as if she was angry with me. I only was spoken to if necessary. So no casual talk or jokes or whatever. On Sunday she went to a childrens’ playground with the kids without me. It felt as if she wanted to avoid me for some reason. During the other days it was as if there was some kind of tension in the air. You know the feeling when there’s a thunderstorm waiting to happen but hasn’t started yet? Something like that. In bed, she couldn’t stand me touching her (in a non-sexual way. Sex is out of the question. I can’t make love to someone I don’t love anymore…). And normally that’s a sign that something is seriously wrong.
On Wednesday morning when I woke up, I noticed however that Lenore had crawled up to me during the night. So during the day I couldn’t help but tease her with it… And since then, things seem to have defrosted a bit… There’s some small talk again. Yesterday morning I went to the bank to get the extra money I need. The 15k I need to pay Lenore for the house. And while I haven’t got official approval from the bank, normally everything could be settled by the end of next week.. At noon we brought the kids to grandmother and Lenore and me went to the coast. Lenore asked to go. Her asking surprised me. First she seems mad at me and now here we went to the coast as two friends. She even suggested we go and look for some of those dragon statues I would like to buy again (like the ones Lenore will take with her as part of the deal we made). I wonder: has she realised that I will play the game with honor? That I will not play dirty tricks on her? As I told her: I COULD play some very dirty tricks on her. But so can she. I don’t think any of us would be helped if we would start an all out psychological warfare. We’ll have to live with the fact that we’re connected the rest of our lives due to our son. So what’s the point in fighting? It would only make everything worse.
So anyway, she even started talking about Soldiers girlfriend. Apparently she IS playing a hard game with him. Denying him access to the car, stalling the move, cancelling their holiday but keeping the refunded money etc. Has Soldiers’ wife opened Lenores’ eyes? I don’t know. If that damn woman keeps on stalling everything, I will have to go and talk with her… As long as she is stalling, Lenore can’t leave me either… And I want to restart my life again…
Anyway, the last couple of days Lenore and me are behaving as friends again. And it’s a real relief. I hate the cold war feeling. I’d rather keep acting normal and decent. It almost felt like she’s opening up again. Showing her feelings. It may not seem much, but I do think that Lenore talking about Soldiers’ wife is a big leap for her… it shows that she is starting to trust me again (I think/hope).
OK, so the Love between me and Lenore is gone. But we’re still human adults right? It would be hypocritical to teach our kids that fighting isn’t the way to handle things, but fight amonst ourselves… Nah… I hope/think we can be two adult, sensible, intelligent humans and arrange everything peacefully…
