Be prepared for a long ranting !
This weekend has been a hell of a long one.
Lenore went to a bike-event this weekend together with Soldier. Lenore, who is afraid of spiders, of thunder and all these kind of things, wanted to sleep in a tent over there. Well, fine by me. Daughter is sleeping over with all kind of people (friends, grandma, aunt) As usual, I stayed home and took care of my son. Somehow this is how it always was: She does whatever she wants, I stay home for the kids. Anyway, she was to leave on Friday noon and be back somewhere around Sunday noon.
Friday I took a day off and went to an amusement park with the kids (I was surprised Daughter was allowed to come with me without Lenore being there with us). My parents came along too. Although Daughter was a bit too old for this park I think she still had a good time. Apparently my son likes 4 in a row. 
We had a great time.
At the end of the day, Daughter received a message on her phone that she had to bring Lenore’s sunglasses. No-one told me but apparently Daughter was going to the bike-event as well… Is all that secrecy REALLY needed? Lenore almost bought Son a bike-jacket. It seems she wants to make him just as Soldier it seems. She even gives my son a hairdo just as Soldier once in a while. And I hate it! I don’t want my son to become another Soldier. I don’t want him to grow up and think violence is the answer to problems. I don’t want him to grow up thinking one must give in to emotions all of the time. I don’t want him to have rantings when he doesn’t get what he wants. (just like Lenore i somtimes think by myself) But I’m afraid I can’t do anything about it…
Saturday I stayed home alone with Son. We played and rested. We went shopping (with a small budget since I’m flat broke.) for milk, cookies and diapers. And although I shouldn’t have I bought him pyjamas of Diego (the Cartoon he is fan of). I’d rather make him happy than have all the luxury for myself. The quietness was welcomed!
And I missed Lenore. Well, in fact I missed company. I missed hugs. I hate the loneliness.
On Sunday Lenore came back home. Around two or three pm. Son was sleeping and Lenore was dead tired. So she fell asleep on the couch. She slept untill six or so.
On Monday we all stayed home. And God I hated it! I was irritated by Lenore all of the time. First of all, I had to get up for Son. Lenore slept untill noon. When she was up she was constantly text messaging Soldier or chatting with him on the computer. Around four we went for an ice-cream but neither of us could enjoy it like we used to. In the evening she went to grandma’s to see if Daughter would come home (but she took some spare clothes with her already). Daughter wanted to stay with grandma’s. Surprise surprise!
And tonight Son decided that around 4 am he should start telling us all kind of stories. Whatever we did he just wouldn’t sleep. So I only had a few hours of (bad) sleep and I’m totally a wreck now. But want to bet I will get remarks before/when I get home? At 5h30 I got out of bed and went downstairs. I couldn’t stand Son’s babbling anymore. I was getting more frustrated by the minute. So I decided it would be better if I left the room. But I am sure that that won’t be the way Lenore sees it! Probably most of my rage I am feeling at this moment is just because of the sleep depravation but still…
I just can’t wait untill Lenore finally leaves! I will be lonely. I will be bored. I will crave for hugs and cuddling. But anything is better than this. Anything is better than getting frustrated by Lenore… And I don’t want to sound mellow or sissy like. I just want a rest and a new start! I am sure I will survive. And if Lenore will survive? Well, that’s her problem!
Gloria Gaynor – I will survive
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you’re back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you’d be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
’cause you’re not welcome anymore
weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I’d crumble
you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I’m not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I’m saving all my loving
for someone who’s loving me
Tags: alien, anger, bike, feelings, frustration, gaynor, gloria, Lenore, Lyrics, soldier, survive, video, weekend
